Monday, April 28, 2008

welcome home...

'Adilah as she is now...

'Adilah bt Ayoib-photo taken by a professional photographer, 2 hours after she was borned at the hospital.

Just got back from performing Umrah in Mecca and Medina. I've got a lot things to say here, share my stories with you all but today is my eldest daughter's birthday, Adilah. She was borned in the USA, twenty years ago at Heinemann Hospital, Philadelphia, ten minutes before the break of fast, 11 Ramadhan, 1988. I was a 2nd year student at that time, a very naive and young mother (only 22) who had no experience handling babies. My husband whose knowledge about this was also nil was the only helper I had. My 44 days handling adilah in the US was disasterous, unorganised and turbulent.I didn't really take care about myself because I was fully focused my time on her.

'Adilah was a'crying baby' She cried almost all the time except when she was sleeping. Fortunately, right after she was borned, my mum told me through a telephone conversation that she wanted to take care of my baby. I don't know what to say but I knew that it was difficult to raise her alone as my husband was really'numb' about this. I could rely on him. How am I going to class and pursuit my study? So, I had to accept the offer.

And, I flew to LA using United Airlines from Philadelphia on the 45th day of my confinement. Everyone told me that I was brave to travel alone with my little baby to Malaysia. Well, I had no choice. I had to do it. My husband and Ust Md Nur Manuty were the only people who sent me to the airport. I felt like crying because it's a very difficult task for me to do and I had to do it on my own.

It was a long transit in LA airport, about 6 hours. I had to board off the plane and took MAS in LA. I was quite scared that my baby would be stolen that even when I went to the toilet, I had to take adilah with me. And she crying loudly as usual. God only knew how helpless I felt at that time.

Once, we were on MAS, i felt a little secure but the man who sat next to me was a Jew. I was very fortunate because he was kind enough to order a glass of milk from the air stewardess for me because he knew that that i kept on breastfeeding my baby and because of that i became thirsty easily. He even changed seat after that because he did not want me to feel embarassed feeding my baby.

After 9 hours journey from LA to Kl, we reached Subang International Airport and my father was already waiting for me. How relieved I was. And later I discovered, my parents in laws were willing to take care of my baby too because my mother was still
working as a teacher at that time. so, after some negotiations, Adilah was put under the care of her paternal grandparents. And, I took her back after my husband and I completed our degree in 1989.

And that's the end of the story....Hmm....

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


It's already late at night but I feel I need to say something here before I leave for Umrah tomorrow. I got my first congratulation from Acam, my cousin who's studying in Scotland with his wife. Maybe he heard this from MakNdak. Then, from K. Syifa'. I also received this call from a good friend of mine who has been to Mecca before. Listening to the calm and soothing voice had really helped me to ease the burden that I'm holding now. TQ dear friend.
Tomorrow I'm going to the office and meet my friends before I go. I haven't pack my bag but I think I'm ready now more than ever after I had this short course fron Ust Abu Bakar and his wife just now. Their lecture was very enlightening.
I hope I can deliver all the messages and doas from my friends and relatives. I pray to God that I will be better person when I come back from Umrah.
To those who are left behind...I hope you will all be able to perform umrah like me and don't miss me....coz I'll coming back with stories from Mecca and Medina.
Love U.

Another Adikku...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Anuar Zain (Ketulusan Hati)

A song that has a very deep meaning about love


Love means...............

Leave your love one at home
And let her do the job on her own
No matter how difficult the task is.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Aquarius Me....

A horoscope given by a good friend of mine who no longer exist in KMK but still very close to my heart...

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.

She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.

Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone , she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".

She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.
She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad , be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.

If she mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

Well, some of the statements are true, very true...some nearly true...a few, not true at all. I don't order people to do things for me. I persuade and negotiate!

Me, Myself and I

It's me.....

Friday, April 11, 2008


"Bu....kalau ayah balik pukul 8.30, kita boleh makan kat luaq"

" Ayah balik lambat."

"Ayah bukan perbaik keta. Ayah pi makan dengan kawan ayah..."

"Ibu masak lagi sedapkan?"

and she kissed me on my cheek.

Another hmm....

I wanted to say more,
I wanted to write more...
but some things are just best kept

(and listen to the drops of the rain...)


There are lot of things going through my mind right now...Umrah, Adik, finance Hubby, children, students etc..etc..I need a break! Ive no preparation at all for Umrah. My bag's not packed. My clothes, my telekung...Don't know how its going to be when I'm there. but tomorow, I planned to go to A.s to look for some things that might be needed during Umrah. With limited cash in my hand, I'll just grab whatever I can afford to have. I have taken all my savings for this event.
My former pdt students will be graduated from KMK soon and this Monday will be the last time I'll be seeing them. They will always be remembered as my first batch of PDT where I learn to crack jokes with them in class. They were my savior when Im down and weary. I cherish every moment I have with them and hope they will succeeed in life. I intend to pray in front of Kaabah for their success.

That's all folks...

Thursday, April 10, 2008


As far as I can remember, I've lots of 'adiks' since schooling especially when I was a senior at STF, JB but none was my 'adik angkat' (pet sisters/brothers). I don't have a 'kakak angkat' neither. Kak Dina, a senior of mine took me as her pet sister when I arrived STF but I 'broke off' with her the next week because I don't like to be bothered by these 'unneccessary' matters. I was the only one in STF at that time without any pet sisters.. (I believe...).
Then, when I was briefly in Form Lower 6, my friends persuaded me to have one just for fun. So, I sent my friend, Afidah to see Rozlin Abdul Ghaffar and asked her whether she wanted to be my pet sis. And she said yes...and that was the beginning of a very short and bizzare life of mine in STF. But, yes, it was fun because Sellin (rozlin) was a very happy go lucky person. We would be laughing all the way whenever we met. She was also a school hockey player, a goal keeper. I remembered watching her playing in one of the tournaments and when STF was announced as the winner, she came running to me who was standing outside the line and shouted, "K.Yong, Lin menang!" Nobody had done this to me before. The feeling was overwhelmed.
That was 1984, I left school that year and went to SMS muar for the TOEFL course and headed to the US in 1985. We got in touch with each other in 1989 when she passed by Philadelphia on her US tour that year. She got married in the US and sent me her wedding picture. Then we lost contact with each other again...It's been on and off for a few years after that. However, last year, I got her new phone no from a friend. Wow! She still recognized my voice and how excited she was to be able to talk to me again.. She's in Kuantan now, an English teacher in a secondary school with four kids and the same husband to manage. I miss those short but happy times I had with u, Sellin. Hope we could meet again.
I'll tell u about my other adiks in my next column. Jun, Siti Rahmah, Krashen, Halimah, Midi, those adiks in the Philadelphia, Cholchester, Melbourne and KMK. Till then, enjoy thy weekends!


It's already midnite. It's the next day - 9 April 2008 (Thursday) and just received a long overdue sms reply from him. He had just finished his badminton game, i guess and went to Nasmeer to buy his reload xpax ticket (That's what he told me). Anyway, I'll tell you all more about this charming young guy who has been making my life even more colourful and merrier each day, later. Now , is bedtime. My hubby has already gone deep into his dreams.


Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The white silk dress

I didnt go to work today. Wanted to go and see the dentist but i got a terrible headache that i just lay on my bed and waited until 11 am before I got up and took my bath. Then, I went to see the doctor to get some treatment and an MC.

Went back home to have my brunch while watching the tv. And, this was when i came across this award winning vietnamese movie entitled the White Silk Dress. It's on ASTRO BOX OFFICE this April only. I got so absorbed with the movie that I broke into tears a few times watching some of the scenes. It's so touching and endearing...The scene that really shook my emotions was when the mother(main actress) had to let a very (senile) old man sucking her breast for milk through a hole. She was in pain, ashamed and embaressed but she had no choice since she had to do it in order for her to get some money to buy some white cloths for her daughters. I felt so small compared to what she had sacrifice to her family - her pride.

Below is one of the reviews about the movie posted on the internet :

I'm grateful for movies like The White Silk Dress because they offer insight into a country and culture that I don't otherwise have much contact with. This film, Vietnam's submission for the foreign-language category at the Oscars, wades through some 20 years of the country's turbulent political and social history, as seen through the eyes of a peasant family. The story is epic-length, if not quite epic in scope; it's also sometimes beautiful in its depiction of its sad, noble characters.

We begin in 1954, where two servants with cruel masters fall in love. The woman is Dan (Truong Ngoc Anh); her beloved is Gu (Khanh Quoc Nguyen), a kind, slightly hunchbacked man. With no money to give her a real wedding gift, Gu presents Dan with the white dress he was wrapped in when he was abandoned on someone's doorstep as a baby. They escape to the southern part of the country and start their life together.

We skip ahead into the mid-1960s, with Gu and Dan now the parents of four girls. The family is incredibly poor, and Dan has had to sacrifice the dress to make ends meet. Here Western viewers like myself start to learn the significance of the white silk dress (or áo dai) in Vietnamese culture. Dan's daughters must wear such a dress to attend school, and Dan goes to extraordinary, humiliating lengths to earn the money necessary to obtain one -- just one, which the two school-age daughters must take turns wearing.

The film is a little listless during this middle passage, but things pick up when, to earn enough money to pay for the dress, Dan takes a job as a wet nurse at a mansion. But it isn't a baby that needs her milk; it's a frail old man, who suckles through an ornately designed hole in the wall. The audience is traumatized (trust me, you will not soon forget these images), and Dan is violated, abased, and ashamed.

Though all around them there is political upheaval, Dan and Gu and their fellow peasants stay out of it. "When your stomach is empty you pay very little attention to politics," someone says. But eventually the environment becomes impossible to ignore, and writer/director Luu Huynh begins to shape his theme. We see bombings of villages and other violent acts perpetrated by outsiders, and the metaphorical violation of Vietnam starts to parallel the literal degradations suffered by Dan.

I want to mention the outstanding performance by Truong Ngoc Anh as Dan. Her stoicism puts a face on an entire generation of Vietnamese women whose love for their families led them through an extraordinarily difficult time of war and deprivation. Dan is accused of being a Viet Cong simply for having one of their fliers -- which the illiterate woman cannot read anyway -- in her possession. Gu is enraged to learn about his wife's part-time job of breast-feeding a decrepit hermit, and he unleashes his anger against her. Yet through it all Dan is devoted to her daughters, and Truong Ngoc Anh practically radiates parental love.

The cinematography by Hoan Trinh also contributes to the film's impact. Vietnam, a country rich with natural beauty, is depicted here in desaturated, rain-soaked images -- beautiful, still, but in a different way. Now there is a certain melancholy to it.

Despite the fine performances and excellent craftsmanship, I don't think the film is completely effective. It feels longer than it is (and at 142 minutes, it actually is pretty long), and there are segments that don't seem to go anywhere (though this could be due to a cultural gap). There is also an odd gradual shift in focus from Dan to her two oldest daughters that strikes me more as sloppy than intentional.

Still, it's an evocative story that addresses the tumult of a country known to most Americans only tangentially. We can look at it as a glimpse into the real lives behind the famous images that came out of the Vietnam War, a reminder of the love and humanity that exist even in dire circumstances.

And is Malaysia going produce something beautiful like this? I wonder....

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


There is nothing more that I need at this moment than a little kindness from everyone.

Thank you.