A message to my mother.

Dear Mak,

I visited ur grave today. I wanted badly to 'see' u although I know I couldn't talk to you..I just want to say something silently in my heart. But eventually i know only God would hear it. It was sad to leave Abah just now. Staying with Abah for two days was 'something' to him. I could tell it from the conversations that we had together during the course of days.  Abah was happy and laughed a lot. He told me and the kids that he's happy we were there with him. He even wanted Asyraf to continue staying with him. But of course he couldn't...he's still studying.

Mak, I was wondering if ur son-in-law would feel the same way like Abah if I were to leave the world first.
Abah is such an independent man but he still needs a company..Mak, please forgive me...I need to help Abah. I need to do something to ease the pain. It's so difiicult, Mak...I feel like I don't have enough courage to do it but I have to force myself anyway...

Mak, life is not always glorious right? There are so many things popped out of my head lately...my responsibilities, my needs, my desire, my family, my patience...oh Mak, I 'm trying my best to be a patient person like u. U could really tolerate Abah to the highest level. Mak, I don't cry for you anymore but I still long for you.

I miss you.