Just say it...

It's almost midnight and everyone (only the three of us) has gone to sleep...There are a lot things I want to say here, but the words seem to be so shy...Macammana ya? I guess nowadays I'd just like to remain silence...Just listen....No talking....What's the use of talking when no one listens?

So, I went to visit my mum's grave last saturday...True enough like what Abah had told me...somebody's else jenazah was buried beside my mum's. That place is supposedly to be Abah's grave in future...I could sense Abah's frustration right at the graveyard ...Abah will not be able to lay beside emak when he died...I began to wonder, is Allah trying to show something? We knew how desperate Abah was last time asking us to find a 'replacement' for Mak, just a few months after Mak passed away. Abah said he wanted a companion...somebody he could talk to and solat with....I know it doesn't make any sense but it's like Mak merajuk....

Last words...I'm supposed to do my assignment now ...but I feel so sleepy already...

I received a piece of cloth which I called "handkerchief" 2 days before the NEW YEAR..It looked like a 'kain perca' but I dared not say that to the person who gave it to me. I know it must be very hard for N to get 'something' for me because I always pester N to buy me a souvenir every time N travels around. Not like other colleagues who never forgot to bring back some 'momento' for the unit, this friend of mine always made the trips and travels as a secret...and N never brought back anything for the unit... :)

So, I was a bit surprise when N came to my cubicle that day and handed me 'something'. N had 2 in his hands actually and ask me which one did I like better. And I said, "this one!". Then Nsaid, " Well, u can have it then..." Of course my first reaction was surprise....but I said thank you anyway...What I always requested as a joke is now real..

Later, I told N, "U know what...some people said that it's not good to give people any handkerchief. It represents something sad like a farewell or other unfortunate events. But, never mind...I'll use it to wipe my tears if I cry..."

"I didn't know about that," N said and smiled.

"Yeah, it's only a superstitious...I don't believe it neither..." I told N again.


Then, it was 1.1.2011...
I took the 'handkerchief' from my handbag and wiped the tears...So, the whole story about the handkerchief is true after all..... :((

Itching...itching....itching....

Not just a FAN.....

What is NEW YEAR?

...a repetition of old resolutions....

A message to my mother.

Dear Mak,

I visited ur grave today. I wanted badly to 'see' u although I know I couldn't talk to you..I just want to say something silently in my heart. But eventually i know only God would hear it. It was sad to leave Abah just now. Staying with Abah for two days was 'something' to him. I could tell it from the conversations that we had together during the course of days.  Abah was happy and laughed a lot. He told me and the kids that he's happy we were there with him. He even wanted Asyraf to continue staying with him. But of course he couldn't...he's still studying.

Mak, I was wondering if ur son-in-law would feel the same way like Abah if I were to leave the world first.
Abah is such an independent man but he still needs a company..Mak, please forgive me...I need to help Abah. I need to do something to ease the pain. It's so difiicult, Mak...I feel like I don't have enough courage to do it but I have to force myself anyway...

Mak, life is not always glorious right? There are so many things popped out of my head lately...my responsibilities, my needs, my desire, my family, my patience...oh Mak, I 'm trying my best to be a patient person like u. U could really tolerate Abah to the highest level. Mak, I don't cry for you anymore but I still long for you.

I miss you.

Everybody has his own story....

My weekend..

It started with Friday...The Language Camp. 8am till 5.30pm. A  break in between for solat.  The Pengarah came to officiate the programme...well, at least he showed some concerns.

I got to be a fascilitator this time. Before, I was the AJK and the Coordinator. My group is called Ben Ten (Group Ten). I was not very sure what to do with them at first. I felt a bit akward because none of my student was in the group. But I managed to smile and kept on talking and talking until everything is at ease. Luckily they were a bunch of students who easily adapted to each other's profile. Then, they created the cheers, flag and logo for the team (got 3rd place in the competition...not bad at all!)

Nothing much to say about the language camp this time as it happened only in a day. Last time it used to be 3 days and 2 nights affair. Very limited budget it seems. However, my colleagues made some efforts to keep the spirit high. Naza bought some nasi lemak for me and others. 'Teh Tarik', complimentary from Shah...'Cucoqs' from Kak Yan...and so, we sat at the round table and had a good morning chat while having the breakfast...team work, right?

Despite the heat, I admitted that I had a few good laughs with the contestants of Spell It Right competition (I was also handling this contest with Liza). A lot of actions and body gestures were seen as they were trying to figure out the correct spelling of the word. Some of them could not even spell easy words like 'fanciful', 'schedule' and 'happiness..' but some were able to spell difficult word like 'procrastination' (sounds familiar?).
This competition was the last to finish because at times we cracked some jokes with the students.

I left the hall right after I got the token of appreciation from Mr Ash...and, at home some relatives were waiting for me. They came all the way from Baling to visit me and my family. We had a long conversation at home and continued at a Thai restaurant when my hubby treated them with dinner. Before they left, I kissed and hugged ' Makcik' tightly.. Felt like crying. Felt like  she was my mum...

It was around 10 pm when they left Jitra. We also went straight back home after that. i had my bath and began to feel so comfy and sleepy after that..So, I  just jumped on the bed and slept like a baby till 5 am...
As soon as I woke up, I turned on the computer and do my assignment which is due TODAY.

And TODAY...I had my Masters classes from 9am till 5pm with 2 breaks in between. It was a long and tiring day for me  as after the classes I had to go  to the Night Market (pulak....) with Amirah to get some provisions for home. By the time we reached home it was already dark.... (macammana tak letih...)

Good night everyone! I need a good night rest now.

(Will be seeing students as early as 8 am tomorrow morning..8 more hours to go!)